Resurrection

This time of year seems as good as any to resurrect the blog. (Happy Spring!) I've been debating and wanting to do so for a while. However, I have just had so much going on that I'm doing great to get through most days with my mind in tact. So, why now? Well, my last posts were pre-wedding... and well, I married a rather private individual. You can probably count his social media posts per year on one hand. So, it is easy to see he doesn't have much need to share... I'm the sharer... um, probably more of an oversharer. Over the last couple of years, I've been getting used to that, among the other aspects of married life, and, well, I didn't feel the need to share! You might get some tidbits from time to time, but out of respect of my amazing life partner, you are going to get my point of view and things that mostly just pertain to me.

So, back to the quest, why now? We are getting ready to jump down the rabbit hole of foster/resource parenting. We have been working to establish an orphan care ministry with our church for almost a year. Throughout this time, I've found so many people who are interested in foster care, but for whatever reason believe now isn't the time or are too afraid of the unknown to give it a shot. Plus, some of you are just curious! We want to bring you on this journey; we want to share our struggles and our successes. Plus, we need the prayer and support. So, jump down the rabbit hole with us and experience the awesomeness that God has laid before us.

A few things before I sign-off. A few rules, if I may. There are a few things you can expect NOT to read or hear about on this journey.

1. The children have a right to privacy. As much as we would love to for them to be, these children are not legally ours. Their parents have rights, rights to their story. If their parents have already lost those rights, then the great state of Mississippi has those rights. You won't be reading the details of their life, their pain, or their struggles. If we get the privilege of adopting any of these children, you still won't see their story, until and unless they feel led to share it. Please respect their privacy.

2. If you see us in the grocery store, church, etc, we won't and can't share their issues with you. These children deserve whatever semblance of a normal life we can provide, and for some, that includes the chance to escape their past. Please don't ask... see rule #1. Exception, if you are in some way responsible for this child, (ex. teacher, babysitter) and their past or issues may affect how you should care for them, we can provide some insight into their behavior, what to expect, or how to react if something unusual happens. Thank you for your sensitivity in these matters.

3. Pictures... again see rule #1. We aren't able to share pictures of the child as they aren't ours and could pose potential risk to the child. If you are a part of our lives, this also applies to you. They are not allowed to post or be on any kind of social media. If you have children or are around young people these days, you realize how challenging this will be. Please help us protect these children.

So, what can you expect to read...

Well, more about us, our struggles, how this is affecting us, our marriage, and our daily lives. I hope I haven't scared you away, and I hope that rabbit hole is still looking pretty good from your angle. I have one last thing to ask. If you are seriously considering or terrified of foster care, please seek out more information. There are a lot of similar blogs, articles, and books out there on the topic. Don't just take my word or opinions as fact. Please seek out the answers. God has something He wants to show you. Be open to the exploring the rabbit hole with Him. Thanks for coming along for the ride.
See ya next time!

Craziness!!!!!

So, life has been busy... and I have a feeling it is going to stay that way until after the holidays. As my luck would have it, it probably isn't going to slow down until next summer, but a girl can hope! So, I apologize once again for the delay on the post, but if your life is anything like mine busy and crazy may be constant companions these days.

How do we balance our lives? Do you spend so much time at work and leave nothing for the family? Do you come home from work and spend it all on loved ones? Do you spend it all chasing one project or fun thing after another? Do you leave time for yourself? Do you spend time with friends? family? God?

My life seems to be one giant balancing act. I've gotten to be pretty good with Google calendar and have it synced on everything! (even my lesson plans!) Despite the fact that I do schedule and divide up my time, I still try to keep some quiet time for myself... and some quality time for my Savior. I've learned that if I'm not grounded then I can get easily distracted or discouraged by my fast paced lifestyle or the next deadline. However, when I'm grounded in how awesome my God is, everything seems to fall into place, well almost. Hey, I'm only human and sometimes I get in the way! Go figure! Not to mention, sometimes God just has to let me waddle around until I do exactly what He told me to do in the first place.

Over the last few months, I've had a renewed peace in my life, and I can attribute part of that to my quality time with my Savior. Whether I'm brainstorm or writing for a blog post, counseling someone the Lord has placed in my life, or just driving, God has a way of sneaking into my thoughts and blowing my mind. I've enjoyed the crazy trains of thought that have ensued, but mostly I love spending time with my Heavenly Father. A few months ago, I started making a conscious effort to have a more scheduled and focused quiet time with God. I don't really even remember why. Maybe it was simply to challenge myself or because I was challenging the students I teach. Anyway, I did it. Sometimes I forgot, sometimes I didn't really feel God... but other times, I was blown away. I've learned that I can't depend on a Sunday School class, Bible study, or a sermon to teach me, to help me connect with my Savior. I have to earnestly seek Him, to yearn as a baby Christian thirsts for knowledge. We can't forget the excitement of our Christian youth... when was the last time you sought our your Heavenly Father? Dove into His word searching for something, anything to speak to you?

Glory in his holy name;let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice.Look to the Lord and his strength;seek his face always.Remember the wonders he has done,his miracles, and the judgments he pronounced,
1 Chronicles 16:10-12

The Lord knowns my future, of this I'm certain. Over the last few months, I've been tested, my faith tried, not to mention, patience. I can't say I wouldn't have made it without my quiet times and seeking Him out, but I can definitely agree having a quiet time has helped me to be more in tune with the Lord's will in my life and helped me to be more accepting to the obstacles and changes in my life. He's still working on me, a song I sang as a 5 year old in church. He's not done and only He knows what challenges I will still have to face in the near future, but of this I'm certain he knows my future and He's going to be with me every step of the way. As 1 Chronicles 16 and most of the Bible echoes, He is our strength, He is to be our focus, and He is still the Almighty God, performing miracles to this day.

The next time you think you are too busy or things are just too crazy, ask yourself, who am I going to turn to when I'm overwhelmed? exhausted? stressed? troubled? Am I seeking Him out? Where did my thirst for knowledge go? ... It is never too late and He is always waiting for you to find Him. Call out to Him.

Sorrows of the heart...

I began today fighting tears, and after keeping myself busy to avoid the onslaught, I'm finally letting them go. Today I say goodbye to a little boy who has stolen my heart through his willingness to love and his joy for life. This post is dedicated to him and to a God that will have to watch over him now that his Mississippi family can't.

This little one has seeped into my life just like a torrential flood, slowly and constantly. Living as a single woman, I have managed to survive numerous friends and family members moving on with their lives, getting married, and starting families without blaming God for my lot in life. I turned to God to fulfill my needs and to sustain me. God answered by giving me first college students, then junior high students to nurture, challenge, and love. Sometime during this time, two close family friends went through a heartache of their own and became involved in foster care. Almost two years ago (feels like a lifetime), this little fella was assigned to my friends' care. At first, he was just another child to nurture and love, much like my students, mine for only a short time. Six months in to his placement, this wonderful boy's mom made it clear that she wasn't interested in being his mother. At this point, my family and close friends have experienced his first steps, sippy cup, words, etc. (Christmas was a blast!)  My heart was definitely stolen. He was so desperate for love and affection. I shared my passion for music with him as I rocked him to sleep, chased him around my house until I'm exhausted, let him play in (and empty!) the kitchen cabinets because he looked so cute standing inside them, laughed at all his facial expressions, taught him how to not bang on the piano, but play a few keys at a time, picked the noisiest toy in the store to send home to his foster family, acted outraged when he thought it was fun to put handprints on my TV and the list goes on.

He awakened a desire in me to be a mom, Lord willing, a desire that I thought I could bury as I tried to live my life, simply fulfilled by God. Now, I'm not trying to say God can't fulfill that desire, but He has plainly expressed to me that I can't live my life in fear of never getting to be a wife or mom, never loving or letting anyone in, hiding parts of my soul away until such a time. I have to love, even if it hurts, even if I never see this precious little one again. As I write this I'm reminded of dozens of students, who I have had the privilege to teach. I'm not talking about the gifted or diligent students (they are a privilege to teach, too!). Mainly, I'm talking about a handful who have had it rough; the ones who have called it quits or moved away. The precious children I don't get to see or check-up on anymore. I still wake up in the middle of the night and offer up a prayer for them. When I run across their facebook status or see someone who reminds me of them, another prayer sent heavenward. By God's grace, I am allowed to live and touch the lives of those around me. They don't hold my life, status, or past against me. All they want is someone to show them they are lovable and capable of succeeding at something, ANYTHING. Sure, we talk about being blessed, the things God has given us... what about the people? I'm not just talking about your family, close friends, etc. What about the coworker in the cubicle next to you? The student across the row? The person in the next pew? Is there a reason why God allowed you to sit beside them? cross paths with them? Don't focus so much on you. You never know when they will be gone. Did you do everything in your power to show them Jesus through YOU? Were you grumpy to the waitress at the restaurant? what about the cashier at the grocery store? bank teller? fast food attendant?

Today, my heart is filled with sorrow, but it isn't alone.

Even in laughter the heart may ache,

and rejoicing may end in grief.

Proverbs 14:13

Today, I will rejoice because my God is still on His throne. He still has a plan for my life, the lives of those around me, and definitely for this precious angel who will be a part of another family. I ask that you join with me in prayer for this newly formed family, and for the hearts of my family and friends, as we try to live the life God has asked of us. Pray that God's will be done in this little one's life. Whether it be God's will that he be in our lives or not, we want what is best for him, a loving and Godly home. 

Hunger for Change... Part 2

So first let me apologize for the tardiness of this installment, my life got a little busy when this school year ended...

If you missed the last post, I asked a lot of questions, mostly about change or evolution of our church.

I want to start this post off by telling you about a little church sitting atop a hill in the middle of nowhere... technically the church building is there, but as for the church you can find us there on Sundays, Wednesdays, and as luck would have it, all last week for vacation bible school! 

My journey with these body of believers started at birth. Ironically, as I grew up my family actually attended another church, but I've always had some connection with it because my extended family is here. About six years ago, I took on a leadership role and responsibility to impact the youth and young adults of our church and community. Over these six years, I've seen many church leaders and members come and go for various reasons. It's heartbreaking, and it hasn't been an easy time for me either. During college I got a taste of community with other young adults and I've seen all the modern flare that worship can entail. Most of the time, I don't have that kind of worship experience. I miss the feeling I had during worship, but mostly just the ability to get lost in worship. I still find time to do just that, but I have to do it on my own. As for the lack of young adult community, that is changing as well as students mature and others move back home. Six years of hard work is starting to pay off. However, it isn't my hard work that is making a difference, but God's. 

Six years is a long time and there have been many days where I wanted to stay home, go on a long vacation, or just find a new church. The Lord nixed the first thought pretty quickly - I'm currently the only pianist at church. I'm there every Sunday... or they have to sing acapella. (They hired a organist and piano fill in. She's starting next week!) As for the second option, nowhere to go, no one to go with, and no money to go on. Wow, our Lord can really keep me on the straight and narrow. As for the last one, I have felt like Paul many times with his desire to go to Rome and the Lord saying No!  Every time I think He might be releasing me from my responsibilities, something amazing happens and I can't bare to leave! 

I get asked a lot about why I stay, why I chose to worship here. My answer simply is because God said so. Ultimately, God has given me the desire to work for Him and He brought me to this body of believers. I will never forget the first year I spent here; it felt like home. My parents were living several hours away from me. My grandparents were geographically easier to visit for weekend getaways (aka cheaper! Gas is expensive!!), and so I joined my grandparents for church services when I visited. Not only did I have my grandparents looking after me, I had several pairs of great religious warriors who made me their new project. I like to think of them as warriors, you had the prayer warriors and the encouraging warriors. They were so strong in their faith, peaceful, and content, all things I longed for in my spiritual walk with Christ. They made me feel so special, wanted, loved - just like home. A lot has changed over the last six years many of these warriors have gone on to be with the Lord, but that feeling is still here. That feeling is Christ pouring through believers; it is what happens when we forget about self and allow our God to use us as he sees fit. For many of us, we simple describe this as love or a sense of community. That is what our churches were created to do, provide a place for believers to  worship, learn, and deal with the world - together. 

I'm proud to say that my God is awesome and He is using this little church of believers that meet on the top of a hill in the middle of nowhere to impact our community. My advice to Christians everywhere, be true to your instincts. Let God lead you. It doesn't always feel like what everyone else would choose, but deep down you know you are making a lifestyle decision that God is asking you to make. Whether that decision be singleness, a place of worship, clothing style, or missionary post, the Lord has a reason and a plan for you. It won't be easy. It will be difficult, but He will always be there to lean on and to guide you. Take a leap of faith... when was the last time you did something and didn't know how it was going to turn out... take that baby step, then just leap! He'll catch you, in his timing.

Prayer for this week: One Day At A Time by Christy Lane

How to survive the holidays as a single person...

             My second post has been a long time in coming but not for lack of ideas. Over the last several weeks I have been sifting through my thought trying to decide what to pen, but nothing seemed quite right. This morning it hit me, right in the middle of a lazy saturday morning crocheting a Christmas present. 

             How to survive the holidays as a single person...
             Just in case you haven't noticed, the holidays seem to be the time you are asked most often "Why you are still single?" Well, that is unless you work with pre-teens who don't filter their thoughts. If this is the case, you may get asked more often. Just this week a former student, now a ninth grader, couldn't seem to grasp the fact that I was still single and told me I needed to get married. Like most people, he seemed to think it was something I could fix quite easily by just getting married... if only. 
            Marriage and dating are something I would like to take part in, but I'm not settling for just anyone. um... I may even have a list... :) ... I kind of started out as a joke, but then it turned serious.  I thought of things I really do want like personality traits or characteristics I would like in a mate. Now, I'm a planner and I know the Lord is probably laughing his head off at my list. However, knowing what I want (and what I believe the Lord wants for me) has helped me not to settle for someone who isn't the ONE the Lord has created for me. As for my list, some things are just plain funny, but when it comes to faith, I know I want a man who can lead the household, spiritually. I've joked with my youth students before and said that I teach children all day and I don't want to come home to a man that I have to teach, too. 
           In all seriousness, we Christians have to be careful to follow the Lord's lead and not settle for just anyone. Hold true to God's promises and be patient. Now, I know this isn't always easy to hear, especially this time of year. However, if there is one thing I know for sure, His timing is perfect and you wouldn't want to interfere with the great things He has planned for you. I have to keep reminding myself of this very fact; especially when I'm tempted to take matters into my own hands. 
          
           How do I do it? How do I survive this time of year as a single?
           For starters, don't look at yourself and see something (or someone) missing. You have plenty of people in your life that want to love you, and I'm sure there are some waiting on some love themselves. I start with my family. I have two little sisters that I have been mothering practically from the womb. I've always been the bossy big sister, just ask them... :) Being single allows me to spend extra time with them by having girl nights, traveling with them, and making them feel special. As for the rest of my family, parents and grandparents get lots of loving from me too! I have the free time to drop by and have dinner; who doesn't love grandma's cooking? Or just stop by and chat. Add to that list college friends and coworkers and my life starts getting full. Not to mention school students, work, and my ministry students, now my life is really full. Did I mention the cutest 2 year old that I babysit from time to time... No, well let me say this little boy has stolen my heart forever. :) So when people assume I'm missing something because I'm single, I think of all the people I'm able to shower with attention, all the ministry opportunities I have. All this couldn't happen if I was involved in a romantic relationship. Things would definitely be different, and I'm not quite sure I'm ready for that. The Lord has given me a passion for encouraging others as well as showering them with attention. (You would be surprised how many people are looking for someone willing to listen to them.) Because of this passion, I have a very full life serving those around me. Don't get me wrong there are days when I do feel that gap in my life, but then I remember that Jesus can fulfill every need I have, including this one. I just have to be patient and rely on Him. 
          Relying on Him doesn't mean I've given up. It just means I am allowing Him to work in my life. Daily, I remind myself to surrender my romantic life to Him and thank Him for all the great people He has given me. In that prayer, I also ask for my helpmate. Just like I mentioned in the last post, the Lord commands us to ask to receive. I also try to meditate on the following passage. 
         Psalm 37:4-5

Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.

         Enjoy your life; enjoy the ministry opportunities the Lord puts in front of you when you surrender your life to Him and wait. He'll fulfill all your needs and give you the desires of your heart. All this will happen is His timing and His way. Trust in Him and let me Him lead you. I promise your life will be the better for it. As for me, I have Christmas presents to finish and a choir rehearsal to get to. See ya next time!