My Heart's Mantra

I've been reading back over drafts of blog posts I've written but never posted over the last year, and a lot has happened. It is weird reading what I wrote just days before we found out we were pregnant or weeks before we started foster parenting classes. Now we sit with a teenager and weeks away from our infant's arrival. I can't help but feel relieved and blessed.

This summer has been a struggle... the start of school even more so. The waiting is always the hardest part, but I have to admit waiting on our little boy has been easy compared to waiting for our teen. With our son, we have a 9-10 month window, and he will be here. Things could happen and he arrive early or late, but we have an idea of what to expect. However, with our teen everything has been different. Almost every deadline and timeline has changed more times than I can count. Sadly, it has taken almost 9 months to gain custody of our teen. We have had great case workers and social workers campaigning on our and our teen's behalf, working the system, and trying to get her home with us as quickly as possible. Even with all the help we have hit roadblocks and with those came the discouragement. On a few occasions, I even had to stop myself and ask if I was pushing an agenda or if I really felt like God wanted this adoption to happen. Fortunately, satan wasn't able to get more of a hold on my thoughts. God's peace and persistence flooded my consciousnesses.

One of the reasons I haven't published as much this summer is because my heart only had one thing to say... God's timing... even when I didn't want to hear it. For the last year, every time I have felt discouraged or upset with the outcomes, whether it was waiting to get pregnant or for this adoption/foster process, God made sure someone told me that this was about Him and His timing. After about 6 months, it seemed to become my mantra. I still don't understand why it took so long to get her in our home, and I still struggle with the 3 weeks she went to school somewhere else when I wanted her here so badly. That still small voice keeps repeating, MY timing. I may never understand, and I've even tried to come up with a few reasons... but God's voice is clear. He had a reason for things to unfold as they have, and I have to be okay with that.

Now I sit, 7 weeks away from my son's due date and fair warning - hormonal. We have had a smooth transition with our teen so far, and things seem to be moving right along at God's pace. Finally, my heart's mantra has changed... at least in tone - Ah, God's Timing. For whatever reason(s) He chose this past week to bring her home. She is thriving and our lives are forever changing. We know things will be difficult ahead as we navigate the waters of boys (yes, I am already wary of her dating. Is it too late to lock her in a tower?), homework, driving license, and so much more. Yesterday she said that she was planning to be here for a while... we weren't getting rid of her. We had a great day at school and she was super excited about getting involved, trying out for things, etc. My heart almost melted into a puddle at my feet then when she said we were stuck with her. Or maybe my heart exploded the first morning our big rescue dog didn't bark at her as she emerged from her bedroom. Or maybe the night our little dogs just made themselves right at home in her lap or her room. Either way, the mantra of my heart has definitely changed. God's timing is still there, but peace has ensued.

Thank you for praying for us on our parenting journey. These last few months have been overwhelming, but I've felt the prayers and God's presence every step of the way.

Resurrection

This time of year seems as good as any to resurrect the blog. (Happy Spring!) I've been debating and wanting to do so for a while. However, I have just had so much going on that I'm doing great to get through most days with my mind in tact. So, why now? Well, my last posts were pre-wedding... and well, I married a rather private individual. You can probably count his social media posts per year on one hand. So, it is easy to see he doesn't have much need to share... I'm the sharer... um, probably more of an oversharer. Over the last couple of years, I've been getting used to that, among the other aspects of married life, and, well, I didn't feel the need to share! You might get some tidbits from time to time, but out of respect of my amazing life partner, you are going to get my point of view and things that mostly just pertain to me.

So, back to the quest, why now? We are getting ready to jump down the rabbit hole of foster/resource parenting. We have been working to establish an orphan care ministry with our church for almost a year. Throughout this time, I've found so many people who are interested in foster care, but for whatever reason believe now isn't the time or are too afraid of the unknown to give it a shot. Plus, some of you are just curious! We want to bring you on this journey; we want to share our struggles and our successes. Plus, we need the prayer and support. So, jump down the rabbit hole with us and experience the awesomeness that God has laid before us.

A few things before I sign-off. A few rules, if I may. There are a few things you can expect NOT to read or hear about on this journey.

1. The children have a right to privacy. As much as we would love to for them to be, these children are not legally ours. Their parents have rights, rights to their story. If their parents have already lost those rights, then the great state of Mississippi has those rights. You won't be reading the details of their life, their pain, or their struggles. If we get the privilege of adopting any of these children, you still won't see their story, until and unless they feel led to share it. Please respect their privacy.

2. If you see us in the grocery store, church, etc, we won't and can't share their issues with you. These children deserve whatever semblance of a normal life we can provide, and for some, that includes the chance to escape their past. Please don't ask... see rule #1. Exception, if you are in some way responsible for this child, (ex. teacher, babysitter) and their past or issues may affect how you should care for them, we can provide some insight into their behavior, what to expect, or how to react if something unusual happens. Thank you for your sensitivity in these matters.

3. Pictures... again see rule #1. We aren't able to share pictures of the child as they aren't ours and could pose potential risk to the child. If you are a part of our lives, this also applies to you. They are not allowed to post or be on any kind of social media. If you have children or are around young people these days, you realize how challenging this will be. Please help us protect these children.

So, what can you expect to read...

Well, more about us, our struggles, how this is affecting us, our marriage, and our daily lives. I hope I haven't scared you away, and I hope that rabbit hole is still looking pretty good from your angle. I have one last thing to ask. If you are seriously considering or terrified of foster care, please seek out more information. There are a lot of similar blogs, articles, and books out there on the topic. Don't just take my word or opinions as fact. Please seek out the answers. God has something He wants to show you. Be open to the exploring the rabbit hole with Him. Thanks for coming along for the ride.
See ya next time!