Craziness!!!!!

So, life has been busy... and I have a feeling it is going to stay that way until after the holidays. As my luck would have it, it probably isn't going to slow down until next summer, but a girl can hope! So, I apologize once again for the delay on the post, but if your life is anything like mine busy and crazy may be constant companions these days.

How do we balance our lives? Do you spend so much time at work and leave nothing for the family? Do you come home from work and spend it all on loved ones? Do you spend it all chasing one project or fun thing after another? Do you leave time for yourself? Do you spend time with friends? family? God?

My life seems to be one giant balancing act. I've gotten to be pretty good with Google calendar and have it synced on everything! (even my lesson plans!) Despite the fact that I do schedule and divide up my time, I still try to keep some quiet time for myself... and some quality time for my Savior. I've learned that if I'm not grounded then I can get easily distracted or discouraged by my fast paced lifestyle or the next deadline. However, when I'm grounded in how awesome my God is, everything seems to fall into place, well almost. Hey, I'm only human and sometimes I get in the way! Go figure! Not to mention, sometimes God just has to let me waddle around until I do exactly what He told me to do in the first place.

Over the last few months, I've had a renewed peace in my life, and I can attribute part of that to my quality time with my Savior. Whether I'm brainstorm or writing for a blog post, counseling someone the Lord has placed in my life, or just driving, God has a way of sneaking into my thoughts and blowing my mind. I've enjoyed the crazy trains of thought that have ensued, but mostly I love spending time with my Heavenly Father. A few months ago, I started making a conscious effort to have a more scheduled and focused quiet time with God. I don't really even remember why. Maybe it was simply to challenge myself or because I was challenging the students I teach. Anyway, I did it. Sometimes I forgot, sometimes I didn't really feel God... but other times, I was blown away. I've learned that I can't depend on a Sunday School class, Bible study, or a sermon to teach me, to help me connect with my Savior. I have to earnestly seek Him, to yearn as a baby Christian thirsts for knowledge. We can't forget the excitement of our Christian youth... when was the last time you sought our your Heavenly Father? Dove into His word searching for something, anything to speak to you?

Glory in his holy name;let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice.Look to the Lord and his strength;seek his face always.Remember the wonders he has done,his miracles, and the judgments he pronounced,
1 Chronicles 16:10-12

The Lord knowns my future, of this I'm certain. Over the last few months, I've been tested, my faith tried, not to mention, patience. I can't say I wouldn't have made it without my quiet times and seeking Him out, but I can definitely agree having a quiet time has helped me to be more in tune with the Lord's will in my life and helped me to be more accepting to the obstacles and changes in my life. He's still working on me, a song I sang as a 5 year old in church. He's not done and only He knows what challenges I will still have to face in the near future, but of this I'm certain he knows my future and He's going to be with me every step of the way. As 1 Chronicles 16 and most of the Bible echoes, He is our strength, He is to be our focus, and He is still the Almighty God, performing miracles to this day.

The next time you think you are too busy or things are just too crazy, ask yourself, who am I going to turn to when I'm overwhelmed? exhausted? stressed? troubled? Am I seeking Him out? Where did my thirst for knowledge go? ... It is never too late and He is always waiting for you to find Him. Call out to Him.

Single... not exactly

If you have been following me on social media or know me personally, by now you know that my life has gotten a little more exciting lately... and I'm not exactly single anymore.

 After the excitement dies down, the next question many of my friends are asking is, "what about your blog?"

Well, It isn't going anywhere... There will definitely be some changes in the near future, but my message and passions are still the same. I've spent an important time in my life single, and I still have words to share on the subject with all my faithfuls who may still be going through this season of life. Having said that, I hope you will forgive me if I stray a little and share some from my new adventures!

I realize this is more of a mini-post life update, but I've already posted more this month than any other month since my blog went live! ... maybe I can keep it up and you will hear from me more often!

Thanks for all the encouragement and prayers you have sent my way. I hope you realize how much I cherish each and every one of you! This blog wouldn't be as meaningful or successful without your feedback and encouragement through this process.



Just in case you were keeping track - POST # 12!!!! and between those 12 posts, the blog has been read over 1300 times! Thanks again for the support, and as always, I'm praying for you!

Sorrows of the heart...

I began today fighting tears, and after keeping myself busy to avoid the onslaught, I'm finally letting them go. Today I say goodbye to a little boy who has stolen my heart through his willingness to love and his joy for life. This post is dedicated to him and to a God that will have to watch over him now that his Mississippi family can't.

This little one has seeped into my life just like a torrential flood, slowly and constantly. Living as a single woman, I have managed to survive numerous friends and family members moving on with their lives, getting married, and starting families without blaming God for my lot in life. I turned to God to fulfill my needs and to sustain me. God answered by giving me first college students, then junior high students to nurture, challenge, and love. Sometime during this time, two close family friends went through a heartache of their own and became involved in foster care. Almost two years ago (feels like a lifetime), this little fella was assigned to my friends' care. At first, he was just another child to nurture and love, much like my students, mine for only a short time. Six months in to his placement, this wonderful boy's mom made it clear that she wasn't interested in being his mother. At this point, my family and close friends have experienced his first steps, sippy cup, words, etc. (Christmas was a blast!)  My heart was definitely stolen. He was so desperate for love and affection. I shared my passion for music with him as I rocked him to sleep, chased him around my house until I'm exhausted, let him play in (and empty!) the kitchen cabinets because he looked so cute standing inside them, laughed at all his facial expressions, taught him how to not bang on the piano, but play a few keys at a time, picked the noisiest toy in the store to send home to his foster family, acted outraged when he thought it was fun to put handprints on my TV and the list goes on.

He awakened a desire in me to be a mom, Lord willing, a desire that I thought I could bury as I tried to live my life, simply fulfilled by God. Now, I'm not trying to say God can't fulfill that desire, but He has plainly expressed to me that I can't live my life in fear of never getting to be a wife or mom, never loving or letting anyone in, hiding parts of my soul away until such a time. I have to love, even if it hurts, even if I never see this precious little one again. As I write this I'm reminded of dozens of students, who I have had the privilege to teach. I'm not talking about the gifted or diligent students (they are a privilege to teach, too!). Mainly, I'm talking about a handful who have had it rough; the ones who have called it quits or moved away. The precious children I don't get to see or check-up on anymore. I still wake up in the middle of the night and offer up a prayer for them. When I run across their facebook status or see someone who reminds me of them, another prayer sent heavenward. By God's grace, I am allowed to live and touch the lives of those around me. They don't hold my life, status, or past against me. All they want is someone to show them they are lovable and capable of succeeding at something, ANYTHING. Sure, we talk about being blessed, the things God has given us... what about the people? I'm not just talking about your family, close friends, etc. What about the coworker in the cubicle next to you? The student across the row? The person in the next pew? Is there a reason why God allowed you to sit beside them? cross paths with them? Don't focus so much on you. You never know when they will be gone. Did you do everything in your power to show them Jesus through YOU? Were you grumpy to the waitress at the restaurant? what about the cashier at the grocery store? bank teller? fast food attendant?

Today, my heart is filled with sorrow, but it isn't alone.

Even in laughter the heart may ache,

and rejoicing may end in grief.

Proverbs 14:13

Today, I will rejoice because my God is still on His throne. He still has a plan for my life, the lives of those around me, and definitely for this precious angel who will be a part of another family. I ask that you join with me in prayer for this newly formed family, and for the hearts of my family and friends, as we try to live the life God has asked of us. Pray that God's will be done in this little one's life. Whether it be God's will that he be in our lives or not, we want what is best for him, a loving and Godly home. 

Something a little different...

School is in full swing and it may be a little while before I get a chance to write again, but I wanted to take a moment to share some articles I've found around the web.


If you want to continue along the lines of what I mentioned in my last post, head on over CBN. In this article the author reflects on the life of Jeremiah and loneliness, but he also addresses vulnerability. I don't normally think of Jeremiah and singleness, maybe loneliness and sacrifice. So, head on over and check it out.


If you are in the mood for something different, I would love to hear your feedback on an article I stumbled across a few weeks ago in Relevant Magazine. The "Why Are Christians So Bad at Dating" article I have mixed feelings about, but I'm curious to hear what others think of it.


So when you get a minute, wander over and check out these articles. Then let the discussion begin... you never know where it might lead us.

Be Vulnerable... What?

My baby sister and I have this song, one of the few we can agree on. It tells the story of pride and independence giving way to humility, although I haven't always looked at it that way. Sure, I can see the beauty of surrender in this song and the welcome abandon with which the singer asks God to restore him. I noticed something else about this song, a vulnerability...

The Song: (and my prayer for us) Hurricane by Jimmy Needham

Lyrics:
I have built a city here 
Half with pride and half with fear 
Just wanted a safer place to hide 
I don't want to be safe tonight 

[Chorus]
I need You like a hurricane 
Thunder crashing, wind and rain 
To tear my walls down 
I'm only Yours now 
I need you like a burning flame 
A wild fire untamed 
To burn these walls down 
I'm only Yours now 
I'm only Yours now 

I am Yours and You are mine 
You know far better than I 
And if destruction's what I need 
Then I'll receive it Lord from Thee 
Yes, I'll receive it Lord from Thee

For the remaining lyrics click here.

Several years ago a wise woman sat me down in her living room just as I was heading off to a new job and told me, "Kristy, you have to be vulnerable. Let others in." (or something like that) This woman began to explain to me how hard it was to get to know me. I didn't realize but my face could be quite unreadable. You might tell me that the room is on fire and my face would be impassive. Ok, slight exaggeration... but ultimately, I was making it harder for others to get to know me. I wasn't be expressive, and I was censoring everything that came out of my mouth. It took her months to get to know me, to understand me. Most people wouldn't have taken that long. 

Ultimately, I've come to realize that I was afraid of rejection, of being hurt. So I hid away parts of myself. This woman told me that at my new job I was going to need to be vulnerable to get to know others and that it was okay to ask for help, to not have it all together, all the time. 

I'm not sure exactly when it began or why, but sometime during my teens I became a very introspective person. I think there were even times my parents didn't fully understand me, and I didn't even realize that I was the one that was making it difficult. I kept so much to myself, my sorrows, my fears, even my dreams. Over time I shared little pieces of myself with my family, but my friends still didn't get the whole picture. This only made it easier to move and start over time and again. It wasn't until the earlier mentioned conversation at the end of my college days that I realized I was making it harder for myself. 

Months later as I was getting ready for my new teaching job and adjusting to a new school, those words echoed in my mind, be vulnerable. I started letting people in, asking for help, sharing information about my life, and trying to be real with them. This is something I still struggle with today. So, what does this have to do with being single? being a Christian?

I was reminded of this recently as I began a new relationship. If you are like me and have walled away your heart, even if to protect yourself, you may be missing out God's plan for your life. As a single person, we can't be afraid of the fall or failure. Put yourself out there. I'm not saying take unreasonable risks or go crazy, but give people a shot. It is easy when you have spent a lot of time alone to just continue that comfortable way of life and stay alone. Maybe you have spent most of your life hopping from relationship to relationship; give your heart time to heal. Then get back on that horse and try again.  

As Christians, we are called to worship, to surrender our lives to God, to live a life of holiness and sacrifice, to honor and glorify Him. This is impossible if we don't let down our guard, get out of our comfort zone, and live our life in this sinful world, doing our best to let others see Jesus in us. So I ask, are you hiding in plain sight? Are you hurting? scared? alone?  You don't have to be, and you definitely don't have to do this alone. God will be with you every step of the way, and if you seek it out, God will reveal your own wise friend to see you through this trial or season of your life. Don't be afraid to be the REAL you and be vulnerable. 

Hunger for Change... Part 2

So first let me apologize for the tardiness of this installment, my life got a little busy when this school year ended...

If you missed the last post, I asked a lot of questions, mostly about change or evolution of our church.

I want to start this post off by telling you about a little church sitting atop a hill in the middle of nowhere... technically the church building is there, but as for the church you can find us there on Sundays, Wednesdays, and as luck would have it, all last week for vacation bible school! 

My journey with these body of believers started at birth. Ironically, as I grew up my family actually attended another church, but I've always had some connection with it because my extended family is here. About six years ago, I took on a leadership role and responsibility to impact the youth and young adults of our church and community. Over these six years, I've seen many church leaders and members come and go for various reasons. It's heartbreaking, and it hasn't been an easy time for me either. During college I got a taste of community with other young adults and I've seen all the modern flare that worship can entail. Most of the time, I don't have that kind of worship experience. I miss the feeling I had during worship, but mostly just the ability to get lost in worship. I still find time to do just that, but I have to do it on my own. As for the lack of young adult community, that is changing as well as students mature and others move back home. Six years of hard work is starting to pay off. However, it isn't my hard work that is making a difference, but God's. 

Six years is a long time and there have been many days where I wanted to stay home, go on a long vacation, or just find a new church. The Lord nixed the first thought pretty quickly - I'm currently the only pianist at church. I'm there every Sunday... or they have to sing acapella. (They hired a organist and piano fill in. She's starting next week!) As for the second option, nowhere to go, no one to go with, and no money to go on. Wow, our Lord can really keep me on the straight and narrow. As for the last one, I have felt like Paul many times with his desire to go to Rome and the Lord saying No!  Every time I think He might be releasing me from my responsibilities, something amazing happens and I can't bare to leave! 

I get asked a lot about why I stay, why I chose to worship here. My answer simply is because God said so. Ultimately, God has given me the desire to work for Him and He brought me to this body of believers. I will never forget the first year I spent here; it felt like home. My parents were living several hours away from me. My grandparents were geographically easier to visit for weekend getaways (aka cheaper! Gas is expensive!!), and so I joined my grandparents for church services when I visited. Not only did I have my grandparents looking after me, I had several pairs of great religious warriors who made me their new project. I like to think of them as warriors, you had the prayer warriors and the encouraging warriors. They were so strong in their faith, peaceful, and content, all things I longed for in my spiritual walk with Christ. They made me feel so special, wanted, loved - just like home. A lot has changed over the last six years many of these warriors have gone on to be with the Lord, but that feeling is still here. That feeling is Christ pouring through believers; it is what happens when we forget about self and allow our God to use us as he sees fit. For many of us, we simple describe this as love or a sense of community. That is what our churches were created to do, provide a place for believers to  worship, learn, and deal with the world - together. 

I'm proud to say that my God is awesome and He is using this little church of believers that meet on the top of a hill in the middle of nowhere to impact our community. My advice to Christians everywhere, be true to your instincts. Let God lead you. It doesn't always feel like what everyone else would choose, but deep down you know you are making a lifestyle decision that God is asking you to make. Whether that decision be singleness, a place of worship, clothing style, or missionary post, the Lord has a reason and a plan for you. It won't be easy. It will be difficult, but He will always be there to lean on and to guide you. Take a leap of faith... when was the last time you did something and didn't know how it was going to turn out... take that baby step, then just leap! He'll catch you, in his timing.

Prayer for this week: One Day At A Time by Christy Lane

Hunger... and Change

Lately, I've felt a hunger to be around people my age. Hanging around pre-teens all day is really taking a toll. Between my college friends' schedules and living so far away, we are lucky to get together more than twice a year. Unfortunately, outside of work, I haven't met that many people my age in my area. Church would be the natural place to look, but ... I find myself looking around and wondering where are all the twenty-somethings?

Ever noticed how many twenty-somethings are missing from the church? The Lord has been opening my eyes the last few weeks, helping me see my church and community differently. Is change the only answer? and how much change? I've been searching, racking my brain, for something to do that will spur change. I can't stand sitting around doing nothing, watching my church family struggle to fill positions another year, knowing that those of us who do serve are running ourselves ragged. Things have to change.

Now the hard part, what needs to change?

As a leader of our church, we have tried changing programming, small changes to worship, etc. Now research and anyone in the ministry will say programming doesn't work, but what else is there to do? My church faces geographic obstacles, but bottom line, how do we reach the twenty-somethings in the area that are unchurched and possibly lost?

Well, I don't have an answer...yet... I'm asking you, my friends. What draws you in? What keeps you coming back to worship? What fuels your faith?

I have some insight that I want to share on the subject, but I want to hear from you FIRST! Shoot me a message, or post your thoughts below.

Stay tuned for more... and most importantly PRAY!

My prayer for this week: FIND YOU ON MY KNEES by Kari Jobe

So much has happened....

So much has happened since my last post, and I've had several conversations with my self about what to write next. (does it sound less creepy if those conversations were inaudible?) Despite these ideas, I've yet to sit down and actually write, sorry!

As for the end of February and beginning of March, I was in the middle of wedding plans. One of my younger sisters married the man of her dreams a little over a month ago. I can't help but think of the irony. My last relationship ended 10 years ago the week she got married. The Lord really does have a sense of humor. I can't wait to laugh about all this when I'm sitting with Him in heaven. I would also like for Him to explain so many of the scientific mysteries we ponder here on Earth. There is so much about this world I don't understand, but there is so much about this world that is divinely planned. In my line of work as a science teacher, I frequently run across the wonders of our world and am reminded of His awesomeness. However, my students will be the first to tell you that I do not profess to know everything nor do I expect to understand everything. I'm content knowing that my God is in control and that He made the beautiful world we live in. Yet, so many of us are driven to question everything around us, including the life events and trials we face, tragedies like the bombing yesterday that bring us to our knees again.

We are human, mere babies in the eyes of God. We've lived just a short time and there is so much we don't understand, not to mention the fact that we think we know everything and act like we have it all under control. Sound familiar? Have you said that about a younger sibling? young cousin? neighborhood teen? yourself?

I don't profess to know why the bombing happened yesterday or why you are facing trials, whether they be singleness, loneliness, family issues, or something else entirely. However, I do know that trials are when we grow closer to God. Without trials and temptations we would be spoiled little children, receiving everything we want, when we want, exactly as requested, not the humble, serving children of God. We are HIS and He is watching over each and every one of us. Should I join Him tomorrow, I know my family and friends would grieve, but like so many before me, I would be where I belong, in the arms of my GOD. I was made to enjoy his presence and to glorify Him with every fiber of my being. Every moment on this Earth, I'm getting closer to the eternity where I will be praising and glorifying my heavenly Father forever.

So often we worry about the little things, the grades due tomorrow (yep I procrastinated... still working on them), what we will wear or say, how we will spend our earthly days, why something happened, and we miss the big picture entirely. We are HIS. Our heavenly Father is going to take care of us, if we simply let Him and follow his lead. No matter what temptation or trial you find yourself facing today, remember we are the children of a mighty God and He just wants you to glorify Him with your earthly life until it is time to join Him.

How was your Valentine's Day?

The dreaded Valentine's Day... So if you are like many singles out there, you probably dislike this day as much as my students do a test... maybe even more! Mine wasn't really that bad. A couple of my students did try my patience, insisting that my life wasn't complete without a significant other. Sadly, teenagers aren't the only ones who believe a person must be in a relationship to be happy.

Well, my happiness isn't tied to my relationships, or my finances, or my possessions... I could go on. As a Christian, my happiness and peace are just a prayer away; they should come from God. That being said, I'm human. There are days when I long for a significant other, a family of my own, a finished home (renovations will never end!), a larger saving account, a soaking tub, or new shoes! Again, this list could be endless. Satan will try whatever he can to take away our contentment, and believe me, he has a way of figuring out your weakness and hitting you there.

This weekend, Satan got mine. I have been doing well; I haven't been dwelling on what I do not have. The last month I have been staying extremely busy and, as a byproduct, staying out of trouble. It is hard to explain, but this past month my mind has been clearer. I have had a renewed sense of purpose and productivity, despite being a little overworked. It all ended this weekend. Satan got me during one of my few down moments and hit me hard. Like I said before, he knows our weaknesses and he couldn't stand the fact that the Lord and I were spending more time together. Satan really hates when we get our act together and we start molding into the person God wants us to be.

Needless to say, my Sunday started off with me on a very sour note. I couldn't seem to enjoy worship and everything seemed to aggravate me. I had several discussions with the Lord over my moodiness and regret for my weakness but couldn't seem to shake my melancholiness. So, I just championed through. I have classes to teach, music to play, people to see, and lots of things to do. I have no time for self pity or melancholiness. 24 hours after my moody spell, I seem to be returning to my normal self. I still have some work to do to reestablish the connection the Lord and I have been sharing these last few weeks, but it is still there.

I want to challenge you to let yourself explore the relationship you can have with God, the needs only He can fill. Lately, the Lord and I have had some really cool jam sessions. (If my dogs could talk, they would definitely agree that these session should remain private and give a whole new meaning to making a joyful noise.) I've been reconnecting with some of my creativity and past times I have enjoyed,  yet don't seem to have the time for anymore. The Lord is helping me rediscover the meaning in my life, despite the fact I keep messing with His life lessons. However, He keeps teaching me just as He will you, if you let Him... let yourself become distracted with the plans He has for you and see where He takes you... I promise they are better than whatever you are trying to plan for yourself. It can't hurt to try. Go ahead, you know you want to!!

WAIT, are you still stuck on the how? That is a valid reason to hold back, but start with spending time with your creator. For me (and the ADHD kids inside me) I start with music... which leads to worship. For you maybe it is reading, talking, teaching, creating, crafting, artsy things, quiet relaxation... Find what works for you. What allows you to connect with God? Sometimes its all mental with me. Just talking to Him in my head, bouncing ideas or thoughts around. At other times, I'm vocal and talk as if He is in the room (which He is!!). There is no one answer for how to start spending time with Him. Find a place or activity where you are comfortable and can let your mind roam. Let Him focus your thoughts, meditate on them. For me, sometimes I wonder if I am really thinking up this crazy plan for Bible study or youth program or if it is God's plan. My rule of thumb, sit on it. (not sit on your actual thumb, silly!) Wait a little while, if it is of God, He'll show you, somehow. Sometimes I can't seem to forget about it (in a good way) and I take it as a sign to move forward with the idea. I share it with others, gage their feedback. Sometimes at this point, I can see God working through them to help me pull off something. It is a wonderful feeling to be used by God, but it all starts by connecting with Him.

I know this post may ramble a bit, but I wanted to share my thoughts and trials as of late. Feel free to post. (correct my bad grammar even!) I'm curious if this brings up more questions or whatever... (can you tell I'm getting tired. It has been a long day.)

Until the Lord moves again,
Kristy

The Price of Sacrifice

Do you know what is means to sacrifice something? I bet you have made a sacrifice and let someone have the last morsel at Christmas or sacrificed a few moments and held the door open for someone.

Yet we are reminded of the ultimate sacrifice... Christ on a cross. I read some of Leslie Ludy's Sacred Singleness over the holidays. In one section she references Corrie ten Boom who says that many people walk around with self in their hearts, leaving Christ on that cross instead of Christ in our hearts and self on the cross. I was reminded of this may times over the holidays as we exchange gifts and catch up with friends and family. How often do we seek out things because of selfish desires and leave Christ on the cross? When did a promotion, a new phone or car, better house, nice clothes or shoes, or a spouse become so important that we put Christ on a cross and left self in the driver's seat?

Did the last part catch you? Have you been hung up on finding someone to share your life with that you were going out of your way to catch someone's eye? I know I have caught myself in the past fussing over clothes or hair when I thought a potential date might be in attendance. Then I feel miserable like I mentioned in the last post. My mind knows that this isn't how I'm supposed to live. However, our world seems to be telling us we have to have someone and fast!, that we can't buy a house as a single person (wait I already did that!) or that we can't live to 26 as a single (done that too!). Our world, even some of the Christian world want us to focus on finding just the right person to share our lives with instead of fulfilling our need to have Christ first in our lives. The Christian world even attempts to mask this by focusing on finding a good Christian guy, but in reality if Christ isn't first, we have missed the mark.

Leslie Ludy even counters this attitude by focusing on the fact that God is indeed a jealous God and there are countless examples in the Bible where God preferred us to be single and focused on Him rather than to be paired off and focused so much on the people around us that He gets left out. Is God first in your life? Are you seeking a potential mate more than you are seeking your Creator?

I'm learning to let God fill my life instead of focusing on all the things I want or think I need. Try it. Turn to God, pour out your heart to Him the next time you feel like turning to a person on this earth. Let God fulfill his promise to be your everything... this is a slow process, especially if you are used to having the world meet your needs. It is also a daily act of surrender, a small price to pay for the sacrifice given on our behalf.