Be Vulnerable... What?

My baby sister and I have this song, one of the few we can agree on. It tells the story of pride and independence giving way to humility, although I haven't always looked at it that way. Sure, I can see the beauty of surrender in this song and the welcome abandon with which the singer asks God to restore him. I noticed something else about this song, a vulnerability...

The Song: (and my prayer for us) Hurricane by Jimmy Needham

Lyrics:
I have built a city here 
Half with pride and half with fear 
Just wanted a safer place to hide 
I don't want to be safe tonight 

[Chorus]
I need You like a hurricane 
Thunder crashing, wind and rain 
To tear my walls down 
I'm only Yours now 
I need you like a burning flame 
A wild fire untamed 
To burn these walls down 
I'm only Yours now 
I'm only Yours now 

I am Yours and You are mine 
You know far better than I 
And if destruction's what I need 
Then I'll receive it Lord from Thee 
Yes, I'll receive it Lord from Thee

For the remaining lyrics click here.

Several years ago a wise woman sat me down in her living room just as I was heading off to a new job and told me, "Kristy, you have to be vulnerable. Let others in." (or something like that) This woman began to explain to me how hard it was to get to know me. I didn't realize but my face could be quite unreadable. You might tell me that the room is on fire and my face would be impassive. Ok, slight exaggeration... but ultimately, I was making it harder for others to get to know me. I wasn't be expressive, and I was censoring everything that came out of my mouth. It took her months to get to know me, to understand me. Most people wouldn't have taken that long. 

Ultimately, I've come to realize that I was afraid of rejection, of being hurt. So I hid away parts of myself. This woman told me that at my new job I was going to need to be vulnerable to get to know others and that it was okay to ask for help, to not have it all together, all the time. 

I'm not sure exactly when it began or why, but sometime during my teens I became a very introspective person. I think there were even times my parents didn't fully understand me, and I didn't even realize that I was the one that was making it difficult. I kept so much to myself, my sorrows, my fears, even my dreams. Over time I shared little pieces of myself with my family, but my friends still didn't get the whole picture. This only made it easier to move and start over time and again. It wasn't until the earlier mentioned conversation at the end of my college days that I realized I was making it harder for myself. 

Months later as I was getting ready for my new teaching job and adjusting to a new school, those words echoed in my mind, be vulnerable. I started letting people in, asking for help, sharing information about my life, and trying to be real with them. This is something I still struggle with today. So, what does this have to do with being single? being a Christian?

I was reminded of this recently as I began a new relationship. If you are like me and have walled away your heart, even if to protect yourself, you may be missing out God's plan for your life. As a single person, we can't be afraid of the fall or failure. Put yourself out there. I'm not saying take unreasonable risks or go crazy, but give people a shot. It is easy when you have spent a lot of time alone to just continue that comfortable way of life and stay alone. Maybe you have spent most of your life hopping from relationship to relationship; give your heart time to heal. Then get back on that horse and try again.  

As Christians, we are called to worship, to surrender our lives to God, to live a life of holiness and sacrifice, to honor and glorify Him. This is impossible if we don't let down our guard, get out of our comfort zone, and live our life in this sinful world, doing our best to let others see Jesus in us. So I ask, are you hiding in plain sight? Are you hurting? scared? alone?  You don't have to be, and you definitely don't have to do this alone. God will be with you every step of the way, and if you seek it out, God will reveal your own wise friend to see you through this trial or season of your life. Don't be afraid to be the REAL you and be vulnerable. 

The Price of Sacrifice

Do you know what is means to sacrifice something? I bet you have made a sacrifice and let someone have the last morsel at Christmas or sacrificed a few moments and held the door open for someone.

Yet we are reminded of the ultimate sacrifice... Christ on a cross. I read some of Leslie Ludy's Sacred Singleness over the holidays. In one section she references Corrie ten Boom who says that many people walk around with self in their hearts, leaving Christ on that cross instead of Christ in our hearts and self on the cross. I was reminded of this may times over the holidays as we exchange gifts and catch up with friends and family. How often do we seek out things because of selfish desires and leave Christ on the cross? When did a promotion, a new phone or car, better house, nice clothes or shoes, or a spouse become so important that we put Christ on a cross and left self in the driver's seat?

Did the last part catch you? Have you been hung up on finding someone to share your life with that you were going out of your way to catch someone's eye? I know I have caught myself in the past fussing over clothes or hair when I thought a potential date might be in attendance. Then I feel miserable like I mentioned in the last post. My mind knows that this isn't how I'm supposed to live. However, our world seems to be telling us we have to have someone and fast!, that we can't buy a house as a single person (wait I already did that!) or that we can't live to 26 as a single (done that too!). Our world, even some of the Christian world want us to focus on finding just the right person to share our lives with instead of fulfilling our need to have Christ first in our lives. The Christian world even attempts to mask this by focusing on finding a good Christian guy, but in reality if Christ isn't first, we have missed the mark.

Leslie Ludy even counters this attitude by focusing on the fact that God is indeed a jealous God and there are countless examples in the Bible where God preferred us to be single and focused on Him rather than to be paired off and focused so much on the people around us that He gets left out. Is God first in your life? Are you seeking a potential mate more than you are seeking your Creator?

I'm learning to let God fill my life instead of focusing on all the things I want or think I need. Try it. Turn to God, pour out your heart to Him the next time you feel like turning to a person on this earth. Let God fulfill his promise to be your everything... this is a slow process, especially if you are used to having the world meet your needs. It is also a daily act of surrender, a small price to pay for the sacrifice given on our behalf.