So, why do children end up in foster care?
1. Neglect. Most children are placed in care due to initial neglect by a caregiver. These cases are often reported by a neighbor or teacher.
2. Abuse - mental and physical. Some children are identified as abuse victims immediately. However, most of the children who are labeled as neglect victims have suffered some kind of abuse. At the time of their entrance into foster care, the abuse may not be known yet and their case starts as a neglect case. Can you guess who normally is the first to identify the suspected abuse? The foster parents. Because of this, we have been given things to watch for that might indicate prior abuse. Also, if you interact with foster children and something happens that you believe to be unusual, particularly for someone of that age or maturity, please tell the foster parents or social worker. It may be nothing, but it could be that child screaming for help in the only way they know how. If you ever have questions about the child's unusual behavior, talk to the foster parents. Again, they may not be able to divulge info about the abuse, but they may can shed some insight of the behavior or what to expect as far the behavior worsening before it gets better or ways to encourage healing.
3. Abuse, but sexual abuse. While some children can be identified as sexual abuse victims immediately, most are not. The startling statistics show that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 5 boys are victims of sexual abuse. For foster children that statistic is even higher, almost 9 out of every 10 children. Most suffer in silence. Some are never even aware that what happened to them wasn't "normal." Just like with other types of abuse, must children enter the system as neglect victims and are later identified as sexual abuse victims. However, it is believed that many children never reveal they were sexually abused. We have also been told of instances where the sexual abuse wasn't revealed until 6+ months of that children being in the same stable foster home. Some of these children take a long time to feel comfortable sharing information that would reveal their abuse. Some don't even realize they were abused, as they think the situation was "normal" or are ashamed because they feel it was their fault to begin with. Again, if a foster child acts out in any way that makes you uncomfortable, please tell the foster parents. It may be a sign that something else is going on.
These statistics and examples are usually enough to scare most people to death. These children have issues, some will never fully recover. They lives are forever changed, and because of that they will have scars or developmental issues to overcome.
Depressed yet? Don't be. We serve an amazing and sovereign God. He can do beautiful things with these children, and children are quite resilient. The real people He wants to change is us. We can't look at these children as scared, tortured, or damaged. See them through His eyes, children in need of love. Love they probably haven't received, not in a way that our Father would shower it on them. Have you ever been told that you may be the only Jesus that someone sees today? Well, in foster parenting, that is definitely the case. We have the power and ability to forever alter the way these children see, feel, and experience love. Being in an loving, welcoming, safe environment, even for a short while, can forever alter their lives. The no longer will expect abuse to be "normal." They will forever have a living, tangible example of God's amazing love, and have a frame of reference of how human beings, particularly adult humans, are supposed to treat each other.
I want to close with two stories. The first of a young child, not even old enough to know he was abused or neglected. You might remember the young boy I mentioned in the blog a few years ago. He entered care unable to attach to women. He would let himself be held by any man (mind you, there were complete strangers!) in the room, but if you were female, you didn't stand a chance to get his attention. His father had been absent most of the 13 months of his life, and his mother was the reason for him being in foster care. Fast forward a year and he was the happiest child on the face of the planet. He loved the adults in his life, all of them! He quickly developed relationships with other humans, but most importantly, he learned how to love. He transitioned back to his biological family shortly after. We were heart broken, but I choose to be happy for him. Wherever he his, he now is better able to enter childhood, capable of making friendships and loving others.
The second story is harder to accept. Most people read the reasons why children enter care and immediately get angry, maybe even angry with God. The problem: God has the power to control sin, the earth, and everyone involved. However, He gave us free will and with it the power and ability to hurt those closest to us. This is His design for our world, His plan for us. Years ago, I was introduced to a young lady with multiple personalities disorder. She was a victim of sexual abuse. She was born for no other purpose than to be used by the men in her family. As a result of her abuse, she development multiple personalities disorder. However, despite the extensive abuse which ended in late adolescence, she married and had children. She spoke in front of a college class of mine. The most profound thing happened during her talk. One of the students in the class had a seizure in the middle of class. Her "angel" personality responded to the situation and carefully attended the young lady having a seizure. This young woman had one of the most horrific childhoods imaginable, yet she was able to live what many would call a successful and "normal" life by many appearances.
Who are we to question God? Job had this same argument with Him long ago. He gives us free will and the ability to question Him. However, be careful that you aren't doing all the yelling at Him. When was the last time you listened? When I do, I see past the hurt pain that sin has caused these children. I see the potential healing, the beautiful, stronger individuals God will use to His glory. Need another example, the Bible is full of flawed, messed up individuals and situations that He transformed for His glory. Joseph jumps into mind. The situation his brothers intended for harm, but God used to save nations. Who are we to question Him? Have you listened lately? He is wanting to change your story. Are you going to let Him?
I'm praying for you, praying that you are so convicted that you have to act. We have an epidemic on our hands and christian families are needed to change the tide of the war. Are you willing to have your heart broken so that another may have life? He was willing to die for us. All He is asking in return is that you heed His call. Open your home, your life, your family. Let a little child come in. Love them for as long as you can, and be prepared to let them go. Parents do it every day, most just have 18+ years to love and let go. As foster parents, you may get a few days, months, years, or forever. Be ok with that and change the world, one child at a time. I'm still praying for you, for strength, courage, and the willingness to step out on faith. We are not strong enough to do this, but with Him all things are possible.
If you are in the Central MS area and want to get started on your foster journey- check out
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