I've been reading back over drafts of blog posts I've written but never posted over the last year, and a lot has happened. It is weird reading what I wrote just days before we found out we were pregnant or weeks before we started foster parenting classes. Now we sit with a teenager and weeks away from our infant's arrival. I can't help but feel relieved and blessed.
This summer has been a struggle... the start of school even more so. The waiting is always the hardest part, but I have to admit waiting on our little boy has been easy compared to waiting for our teen. With our son, we have a 9-10 month window, and he will be here. Things could happen and he arrive early or late, but we have an idea of what to expect. However, with our teen everything has been different. Almost every deadline and timeline has changed more times than I can count. Sadly, it has taken almost 9 months to gain custody of our teen. We have had great case workers and social workers campaigning on our and our teen's behalf, working the system, and trying to get her home with us as quickly as possible. Even with all the help we have hit roadblocks and with those came the discouragement. On a few occasions, I even had to stop myself and ask if I was pushing an agenda or if I really felt like God wanted this adoption to happen. Fortunately, satan wasn't able to get more of a hold on my thoughts. God's peace and persistence flooded my consciousnesses.
One of the reasons I haven't published as much this summer is because my heart only had one thing to say... God's timing... even when I didn't want to hear it. For the last year, every time I have felt discouraged or upset with the outcomes, whether it was waiting to get pregnant or for this adoption/foster process, God made sure someone told me that this was about Him and His timing. After about 6 months, it seemed to become my mantra. I still don't understand why it took so long to get her in our home, and I still struggle with the 3 weeks she went to school somewhere else when I wanted her here so badly. That still small voice keeps repeating, MY timing. I may never understand, and I've even tried to come up with a few reasons... but God's voice is clear. He had a reason for things to unfold as they have, and I have to be okay with that.
Now I sit, 7 weeks away from my son's due date and fair warning - hormonal. We have had a smooth transition with our teen so far, and things seem to be moving right along at God's pace. Finally, my heart's mantra has changed... at least in tone - Ah, God's Timing. For whatever reason(s) He chose this past week to bring her home. She is thriving and our lives are forever changing. We know things will be difficult ahead as we navigate the waters of boys (yes, I am already wary of her dating. Is it too late to lock her in a tower?), homework, driving license, and so much more. Yesterday she said that she was planning to be here for a while... we weren't getting rid of her. We had a great day at school and she was super excited about getting involved, trying out for things, etc. My heart almost melted into a puddle at my feet then when she said we were stuck with her. Or maybe my heart exploded the first morning our big rescue dog didn't bark at her as she emerged from her bedroom. Or maybe the night our little dogs just made themselves right at home in her lap or her room. Either way, the mantra of my heart has definitely changed. God's timing is still there, but peace has ensued.
Thank you for praying for us on our parenting journey. These last few months have been overwhelming, but I've felt the prayers and God's presence every step of the way.
